Top 29 Quotes by Tim Vine

One of the things I like about when I tour sometimes is that occasionally you'll see a dad there with his 12-year-old son and they're both enjoying it.

I'm not someone who gets to play The O2 and places like that, but that's the kind of rock and roll venue. The popularity of stand-up means that some people are getting to play rock star venues.

Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'. And the dentist said to me 'Mr Vine, get out of the filing cabinet.

I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.

I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again.

You see I'm against hunting, in fact I'm a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.

For one thing, I don't pun excessively in real life.

If you do weave one-liners into a story, you have to have an overall story as well, otherwise it doesn't really count as narrative.

I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down.

So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'