Rodney Dangerfield

Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I studied international relations and economics at the University of Virginia. I paid my way by working as a bartender in the summer and at three part-time jobs during the year.

In Cleveland there is legislation moving forward to ban people from wearing pants that fit too low. However, there is lots of opposition from the plumber' union.

Any man who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined.