The federal government spends millions to run the Postal Service. I could lose your mail for half of that. Pat Paulsen federalgovernmenthalf Change image and share on social
I read an article that said one in five Americans thinks Elvis is alive. I want to find those morons and get them registered to vote for me. Pat Paulsen aliveamericanarticle Change image and share on social
Having a comic in the White House will assure stability in foreign relations. The world will continue to respond to foreign initiatives by saying, 'You must be joking.' Pat Paulsen assurecomiccontinue Change image and share on social
I am neither left wing nor right wing. I am middle-of-the-bird. Pat Paulsen birdleavemiddle Change image and share on social
In America, any boy can grow up to become president. Or, if he never grows up, vice president. Pat Paulsen americaboygrow Change image and share on social
Actually, my wine was served at the White House twice. Reagan must have been asleep when he ordered it. Pat Paulsen asleephouseorder Change image and share on social
We must remember that as the centuries go by, time will pass. Pat Paulsen centurypasremember Change image and share on social
I'd learned some things. I knew you weren't supposed to hold a good wine at the top - the paper bag falls off. Pat Paulsen bagfallgood Change image and share on social
I've been on the campaign trail so long, some of my wine has turned to vinegar. Pat Paulsen campaignhavelong Change image and share on social
You have to understand, I can't do any jokes about Ross Perot, because the last thing I need right now is another credit check. Pat Paulsen checkcreditjoke Change image and share on social