Mitch Hedberg

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show.

I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all.

Go ahead and have the Kit Kat at the movies. If you don't satisfy an urge sometimes, you often substitute less-satisfying things and end up eating more.

Go ahead and have the Kit Kat at the movies. If you don't satisfy an urge sometimes, you often substitute less-satisfying things and end up eating more.

I don't like to get in front of people.