Mitch Hedberg

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show.

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

Go ahead and have the Kit Kat at the movies. If you don't satisfy an urge sometimes, you often substitute less-satisfying things and end up eating more.

I don't like to get in front of people.

Go ahead and have the Kit Kat at the movies. If you don't satisfy an urge sometimes, you often substitute less-satisfying things and end up eating more.