I just filled out my income tax forms. Who says you can't get killed by a blank? Milton Berle blankfillform Change image and share on social
They've finally comes up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer. Milton Berle blamecomputerfinally Change image and share on social
People say I owe a lot to television. The fact is I was a star long before television. What TV made me is unemployed. Milton Berle factlonglot Change image and share on social
I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are. Milton Berle reachstar share on social
My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already. Milton Berle adddoctorfeel Change image and share on social
Money can't buy you happiness, but it helps you look for it in a lot more places. Milton Berle buyhappinesshelp Change image and share on social
If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands? Milton Berle evolutionhandmother Change image and share on social
I feel like Zsa Zsa Gabor's sixth husband. I know what I'm supposed to do, but I don't know how to make it interesting. Milton Berle feelgaborhusband Change image and share on social
Now a 'funnyman' can get a laugh before opening his mouth - looking funny. Lou Costello was one of your great funnymen. Harry Langdon, Larry Semon; they were all funnymen - they looked funny. W.C. Fields was never a comedian. Slim Summerville was a comedian, yet looked funny. Now if you have both attributes, you are in good shape. Milton Berle attributecomediancostello share on social