Michael Ian Black

If you get an idea, you might as well stick with it until somebody calls you on it.

I have a good family and I like to be home with them. The older I get, the lazier I get, and the more content I am to sit at home and eat string cheese.

Wish I could, through my own financial prestidigitation, transform a dollar bill into two, or two million. It is an awesome and mysterious skill.

Terrorists are not 100 feet tall. Nor do they deserve the abject fear they seek to instill.

As a young child my attention span was, as I remember it, rather short.

If I make a move, like raise my eyebrows, some critic says I'm doing Nicholson. What am I supposed to do, cut off my eyebrows?