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Les Dawson

My mother-in-law's so fat that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand she throws it.

My mother-in-law's so fat that when she passes her handbag from hand to hand she throws it.

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fat hand handbag

These are some quotes by English author Les Dawson Comedian, who lived between February 2, 1933 and June 10, 1993.

Quotes by Les Dawson

I went to the doctor last week. I said: 'Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?' He said: 'Why?' I said: 'She's woke up.'

I went to the doctor last week. I said: 'Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?' He said: 'Why?' I said: 'She's woke up.'

Les Dawson

doctorpillsleep

I'm the most unromantic lump of Northern suet. Yes, a woman did accost me once in South Shields, but she had a face like Red Rum.

I'm the most unromantic lump of Northern suet. Yes, a woman did accost me once in South Shields, but she had a face like Red Rum.

Les Dawson

accostfacelump

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.

My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects.

Les Dawson

objectsextime

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It's true I always like to mix femininity and something a bit masculine. It's the reason I love skirts with high heels and tights, and no handbag because I love having my hands in my pockets.

It's true I always like to mix femininity and something a bit masculine. It's the reason I love skirts with high heels and tights, and no handbag because I love having my hands in my pockets.

Carine Roitfeld

bitefemininityhand

I love fat people. Every fat person says it's not their fault, that they have gland trouble. You know which gland? The saliva gland.

I love fat people. Every fat person says it's not their fault, that they have gland trouble. You know which gland? The saliva gland.

Jesse Ventura

fatfaultgland

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