My lad chewed and swallowed a dictionary. We gave him Epsom salts - but we can't get a word out of him. Download Download Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Rotate quotes chew dictionary epsom
I went to the doctor last week. I said: 'Can I have some sleeping pills for the wife?' He said: 'Why?' I said: 'She's woke up.' Les Dawson doctorpillsleep Change image and share on social
I'm the most unromantic lump of Northern suet. Yes, a woman did accost me once in South Shields, but she had a face like Red Rum. Les Dawson accostfacelump Change image and share on social
My wife is a sex object - every time I ask for sex, she objects. Les Dawson objectsextime Change image and share on social
I am a part of the old school where I feel that purity of the language should be retained. But English is a constantly evolving language where new words are being added to the dictionary, so I don't see any harm in experimenting with the language. Only poor editing standards need to be improved. Ashwin Sanghi addconstantlydictionary share on social
Topsoil is a place of digestion. It sucks and chews things into smaller pieces. When it's hungry, it turns grey and stony; when it's thirsty, it opens thousands of cracked lips. Subsoil is more skeletal: it doesn't digest. Alice Oswald chewcrackdigest share on social
I'm really old-fashioned. An Epsom salt bath, that's genuinely better than any massage. Emilia Clarke bathepsomfashion Change image and share on social