I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over. Jon Stewart amusementbarfoot Change image and share on social
Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid. Jon Stewart ahhdayearth Change image and share on social
More than 150 heads of state attended the UN Summit, giving New Yorkers a chance to get in touch with prejudices they didn't even know they had. Jon Stewart attendchancegive Change image and share on social
The Supreme Court ruled that disabled golfer Casey Martin has a legal right to ride in a golf cart between shots at PGA Tour events. Man, the next thing you know, they're going to have some guy carry his clubs around for him. Jon Stewart carrycartcasey share on social
If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime. Jon Stewart handlejokeregime Change image and share on social
I'm thrilled to be asked to host the Academy Awards for the second time because, as they say, the third time's a charm. Jon Stewart academyaskaward Change image and share on social
I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character. Jon Stewart adultbearbody Change image and share on social
If you watch the news and don't like it, then this is your counter program to the news. Jon Stewart counternewsprogram Change image and share on social
The seven marvels that best represent man's achievements over the last 2,000 years will be determined by Internet vote... so look for Howard Stern's Private Parts to come in No. 1. Jon Stewart 000achievementdetermine Change image and share on social
If you don't stick to your values when they're being tested, they're not values: they're hobbies. Jon Stewart hobbysticktest Change image and share on social
