Top 37 Quotes by Jon Stewart

Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid.

I'm thrilled to be asked to host the Academy Awards for the second time because, as they say, the third time's a charm.

I can be in 20 movies. But I'll never be an actor.

If you don't stick to your values when they're being tested, they're not values: they're hobbies.

Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Here's the point - you're looking at affirmative action, and you're looking at marijuana. You legalize marijuana, no need for quotas, because really, who's gonna wanna work?

Liberal and conservative have lost their meaning in America. I represent the distracted center.

Why is it that if you take advantage of a corporate tax break you're a smart businessman, but if you take advantage of something so you don't go hungry, you're a moocher?

I was born in New York City, but I was raised in New Jersey, part of the great Jewish emigration of 1963.