Joan Rivers

Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present.

Nobody wants to hear that you met Harry Truman... I met Harry Truman... But you know what I mean? Nobody's interested. They want to know you met Rihanna. And that kills me.

A lot of people ask, 'What's the best advice Tina Fey's given you?' But she doesn't, like, go about doling out advice - like, 'I've got another tip for you!'

It is hardly surprising that women concentrate on the way they look instead of what is in their minds since not much has been put in their minds to begin with.

It is good to be in front of the lens to appreciate more being behind the lens.