Top 75 Quotes by Jimmy Fallon

I don't like to kick people when they're down. I like to kick people when they're up.

I had a gun and I had to run and shoot, which is not easy.

Thank you, people who say 'Wow, you're really photogenic,' for not saying what you really mean: 'Wow, you're really ugly in person.'

I honestly, purposely have not gone to therapy because I know some crazy stuff's going to be dragged up and, you know, I'll be like, 'Wait, what?'

Thank you... fat dude with giant headphones on the subway, for looking like what would've happened if Jabba the Hutt mated with Princess Leia.

Thank you, yard sales, for being the perfect way to say to your neighbors: 'We think we're important enough to charge money for our garbage.'

My wife and I had been trying a while to have a baby. We tried a bunch of things - so we had a surrogate.

It's all about the script. Reality is key to me and less cutesy.

Listening is more important than talking. Just hit your mark and believe what you say. Just listen to people and react to what they are saying.

Thank you, horseradish, for being neither a radish nor a horse. What you are is a liar food.