Top 30 Quotes by Jim Gaffigan

About Jim Gaffigan

These are some quotes by American author Jim Gaffigan Comedian, who was born on July 7, 1966.

Most single guys I know think fatherhood is terrifying.

Most single guys I know think fatherhood is terrifying.

Jim Gaffigan

When people look and decide they have nothing in common with me - I'm 43, balding, blond, whatever - there's something absolutely invigorating about winning them over. Even if it's eight people from Sweden who don't understand what I'm talking about.

Jim Gaffigan

I've always wanted to be an actor. I've never planned on the acting and the stand-up feeding each other; they've always been separate desires.

I've always wanted to be an actor. I've never planned on the acting and the stand-up feeding each other; they've always been separate desires.

Jim Gaffigan

Why would a lazy guy become a parent of five? Then again, why would creative people who inherently don't like change and criticism become writers, actors, or comedians? There's something about this process. I joke about it: My kids have made me a better person, and I only need, like, 34 more of them to be a really good guy.

Jim Gaffigan

Babies should be classified as an antidepressant. It's pretty hard to be in a bad mood around a 5-month-old baby.

Babies should be classified as an antidepressant. It's pretty hard to be in a bad mood around a 5-month-old baby.

Jim Gaffigan

Manhattan's probably one of the bluest parts in the country, and Indiana's definitely one of the redder states. I have sympathy for both sides.

Manhattan's probably one of the bluest parts in the country, and Indiana's definitely one of the redder states. I have sympathy for both sides.

Jim Gaffigan

I try to only eat animals that are vegan. I'm probably the opposite of a vegan.

I try to only eat animals that are vegan. I'm probably the opposite of a vegan.

Jim Gaffigan

I don't know, I find that honestly, the stand-up thing in some ways is a little bit of a cliche to carry around, because people don't consider stand-ups really actors.

I don't know, I find that honestly, the stand-up thing in some ways is a little bit of a cliche to carry around, because people don't consider stand-ups really actors.

Jim Gaffigan

I always imagine that if I met Dr. Seuss, he would be very similar to Crispin Glover.

I always imagine that if I met Dr. Seuss, he would be very similar to Crispin Glover.

Jim Gaffigan

I worked on 'USA Today' as a topic for while. I tried to do something on hand chairs, chairs that look like hands. I really tried. But some topics are not truly universal.

I worked on 'USA Today' as a topic for while. I tried to do something on hand chairs, chairs that look like hands. I really tried. But some topics are not truly universal.

Jim Gaffigan

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