Steakhouses sort of have this old-school nature to them; they're like museums full of good food. It's fun hearing the waiter share his expertise on the different cuts of beef and how they're going to cut up your baked potato. Jim Gaffigan bakebeefcut share on social
As a dad, you are the Vice President of the executive branch of parenting. It doesn't matter what your personality is like, you will always be Al Gore to your wife's Bill Clinton. She feels the pain and you are the annoying nerd telling them to turn off the lights. Jim Gaffigan annoybillbranch share on social
Most single guys I know think fatherhood is terrifying. Jim Gaffigan fatherhoodguysingle Change image and share on social
I always imagine that if I met Dr. Seuss, he would be very similar to Crispin Glover. Jim Gaffigan crispingloverimagine Change image and share on social
I was the youngest of six kids, so yeah, feeding myself was important, but it's not like I was obsessed with food growing up. Jim Gaffigan feedfoodgrow Change image and share on social
I initially signed up for Twitter just to do jokes I wasn't going to do in my stand-up routine. Jim Gaffigan initiallyjokeroutine Change image and share on social
You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby. Jim Gaffigan babydrownhand Change image and share on social
I'm closer to Bob Newhart than Rodney Dangerfield. Jim Gaffigan bobclosedangerfield Change image and share on social
Babies should be classified as an antidepressant. It's pretty hard to be in a bad mood around a 5-month-old baby. Jim Gaffigan antidepressantbabybad Change image and share on social
I'm a comedian, which is the opposite of a lifestyle that equips you to be a parent. Jim Gaffigan comedianequiplifestyle Change image and share on social
