Henny Youngman

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.

My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.

I'm a big action junkie. I grew up on the '80s action movies - the bad ones and the good ones.

On the way to work good-hearted young girls sometimes offer me their seats, which I accept and bless them in return, a transaction satisfying to all concerned.

I've always been very determined, ever since I was a little girl, to make my way.