There are times when I've had ideas walking down the street that I thought were great, and the minute I got onstage, I would think of them and go, 'Wow, that would never work,' even before I did it in front of the audience. Gilbert Gottfried audiencefrontgreat share on social
I find Washington audiences are basically the same as every other audience; they watch me and go, 'Who's idea was it to go see him? And is it too late to ask for my money back?' Gilbert Gottfried audiencebackbasically Change image and share on social
I always wish the hotels were like they are in movies and TV shows, where if you're in Paris, right outside your window is the Eiffel Tower. In Egypt, the pyramids are right there. In the movies, every hotel has a monument right outside your window. My hotel rooms overlook the garbage dumpster in the back alley. Gilbert Gottfried alleybackdumpster share on social
I'm used to explaining to people why my jokes were funny. Gilbert Gottfried explainfunnyjoke Change image and share on social
I just don't accept midgets as human beings. There's only so much political correctness I can accept. Gilbert Gottfried acceptbeingcorrectness Change image and share on social
Comedy historians take note: this Gottfried character doesn't have the best eye for detail - and, for a Jew, he doesn't have the best eye for retail, either. Gilbert Gottfried charactercomedydetail Change image and share on social
If I could cause world peace by taking someone out to lunch, I'd go, 'Well, war isn't that terrible.' Gilbert Gottfried lunchpeacetake Change image and share on social
I think of Alan Thicke as Perry Como without the excitement. Gilbert Gottfried alancomoexcitement Change image and share on social
Back when Jerry Seinfeld was just another comedian hanging around the clubs, I'd imitate him to amuse myself and the other comics. The club owners would say, 'What are you doing that for? Nobody knows him.' Gilbert Gottfried amusebackclub share on social
The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever. Gilbert Gottfried comedianfunnyhave Change image and share on social