Top 451 Funny Quotes

Books are funny little portable pieces of thought.

Books are funny little portable pieces of thought.

Susan Sontag

Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.

Miami Beach is where neon goes to die.

Lenny Bruce

I like smart, funny, self-deprecating men.

I like smart, funny, self-deprecating men.

Jules Asner

I have close to 300 pairs of shoes. I'm fortunate enough to be in a position to get any shoes I want. So I have a pretty nice collection. It's pretty valuable. It's funny when sometimes I buy a pair of shoes and I look on eBay and it's already selling for $500. I just wanted to buy those shoes to wear them!

Chumlee

Normally, it's one or the other - a pretty, straight woman or a more charactery woman who isn't supposed to be attractive. But women like Tina Fey are leading the charge on being both. You can be funny and attractive.

Becki Newton

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

David Lee Roth

You know, 'Jake 2.0' had some funny things in it; I mean, I needed my sense of humor to do that part.

You know, 'Jake 2.0' had some funny things in it; I mean, I needed my sense of humor to do that part.

Christopher Gorham

Letterman is very intimidating because he's so funny, so you have to be really prepared. Also, he's a little squeamish about certain things, so you have to always be on guard to please him.

Letterman is very intimidating because he's so funny, so you have to be really prepared. Also, he's a little squeamish about certain things, so you have to always be on guard to please him.

Norm MacDonald

Somebody said something funny to me the other day. They said, 'Wolper, until two weeks ago, your tombstone was going to say, 'David Wolper, the man who produced 'Roots.' I think the tombstone now has a new inscription. It's going to be 'David Wolper, the man who produced the opening ceremony of the 1984 Olympics.'

David L. Wolper

'I, Malvolio' is a very, very funny show, a clown show, but there is Beckettian darkness in the character. Some real darkness, some right close to the edge of despair moments.

'I, Malvolio' is a very, very funny show, a clown show, but there is Beckettian darkness in the character. Some real darkness, some right close to the edge of despair moments.

Tim Crouch

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