I don't know now if I'm funny. I just keep talking and hope that I hit something that's funny. Download Download Share on Facebook Share on Twitter Rotate quotes funny hit hope
If Scotland and America go to war, I'm afraid I've already sworn in. Craig Ferguson afraidamericahave Change image and share on social
I try and live my life in bite-size chunks. Craig Ferguson bitechunklife Change image and share on social
I'm reading a book, because I'm brainy. No, it is a book - if you don't know, it is like a blog except bigger. Craig Ferguson bigblogbook Change image and share on social
What a piece of garbage this smart car is. There's a commercial - the smart car has zero percent interest for six years. Well, good, I got zero percent in six years in buying this smart car. I'll tell you that much. I mean, it's ridiculous. My buddy has a smart car, totaled it. He hit a deer tick. Larry the Cable Guy buddybuycar share on social
I think Chelsea Handler is the funniest woman. David Alan Grier chelseafunnyhandler Change image and share on social
Do I sometimes hope I wake up in the morning and people are like, 'What's wrong with her? She looks emaciated.' Of course I would love that. I'm such a clothes whore, I would love the opportunity to be a hanger. But I think I'm more confident than I've ever felt in my life. Melissa McCarthy clotheconfidentemaciate share on social