Top 109 Quotes by Chelsea Handler

Stand-up was my entree into the entertainment world. I didn't have to act out somebody else's words. I could just stand there with a microphone, and nobody would interrupt me. It's the most narcissistic thing you could probably do.

I wanted to be famous. It's embarrassing to admit, but I came out to L.A. thinking it would happen in no time. I thought, 'Once they see me, they'll be so glad I came.' I always had a ridiculous amount of self-confidence about what was going to happen to me.

I've always had a big personality. I was trickier as a kid. I behaved erratically instead of consistently. I would have tons of friends, and then I would have no friends. I'd be with the cool girls, then the uncool girls. I migrated from group to group because I was bored or people got bored with me. I was very intense.

I never considered myself a supermodel or anything like that. I mean, I don't think I'm ugly. I have good days and bad days, and I like when I'm fit and lean and all of those things that any woman likes, but it's not the eye of the hurricane for me.

I once waited on a group of 10 people, and one guy collected the money from the check and tipped me $20 on $600. I told him in front of everyone, 'Jews like you give Jews like me a bad name.' That was my last waitressing job.