Ben Elton

Sympathy for victims is always counter-balanced by an equal and opposite feeling of resentment towards them.

There are lots of things I could have done for the money, but I've made a great living doing the things I want to do.

The earth only has so much bounty to offer and inventing ever larger and more notional prices for that bounty does not change its real value.

There was a phase in my career in my late 20s and 30s when I was doing strange, arty-farty Euro films that were, you could tell, never had much chance of any release anywhere in the world.

I definitely would never go back to my 20s. The best is yet to come.

I've been bitten by a python. Not a very big one. I was being silly, saying: 'Oh, it's not poisonous...' Then, wallop! But you have fear around animals.