Art Buchwald

You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.

I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.

Television has a real problem. They have no page two.

I did a movie called 'Quicksand No Escape' with Donald Sutherland and Tim Matheson. I think I was maybe 5. I was really little. Yeah, it was fun. And actually, Felicity Huffman played my mom.

I've had people following me home or standing outside my house. It's strange. I just don't think people were meant to be worshipped or idolised.

I know I'm not the kind of person who's gonna wind up a walking jukebox, like many rock 'n' roll artists. They just play their hits and that's it. That doesn't appeal to me.