Zach Galifianakis

There was a long time where I was an 'artist' in quotes, who had no money. But I guess back then I also never had a girlfriend.

My dad doesn't get any of my jokes. He laughs at them, but he doesn't understand them. He's just laughing because people around him are laughing.

My real last name is Galifianakisburg.

I don't like to get in front of people.

I know I'm not the kind of person who's gonna wind up a walking jukebox, like many rock 'n' roll artists. They just play their hits and that's it. That doesn't appeal to me.

It's an ear job, not an eye job.