Top 33 Quotes by Tim Allen

I have to get a licence to drive a motorcycle to protect myself and the people around me. I am adamant there should be some sort of licensing required to have children.

While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.

Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.

I love doing logos. I've been a graphic artist all my life.

In my experience, it's all wonderful with girls until about 16. Around that time, boys kind of calm down and start focusing their testosterone. Girls get a little challenging, especially for fathers.

The world's a mean place. It's unfair, then it's fair. It's hateful, then it's loving. It's a very peculiar place on philosophical and metaphysical and religious levels.

I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I've never gotten over it.

Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.

I'm an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.

For years, I just did not like this idea of God, church.