Steven Wright

Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.

Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'

I studied international relations and economics at the University of Virginia. I paid my way by working as a bartender in the summer and at three part-time jobs during the year.

A dinosaur out of context is like a character without a story. Worse than that, the character suffers from amnesia.

Mickey is one of the prime examples: Mickey has never been suspected of being an American export. It was deja vu. They gave him a local name and he's been accepted everywhere he goes.