Steven Wright

Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.

Sometimes I wish my first word was 'quote,' so that on my death bed, my last words could be 'end quote.'

I always dreamed of writing in an orchestral context. But when you finish a piece, you want to hear it. So we played everything with Phish.

A cigarette is a breathing space. It makes a parenthesis. The time of a cigarette is a parenthesis, and if it is shared, you are both in that parenthesis. It's like a proscenium arch for a dialogue.