Rodney Dangerfield

Yeah, I know I'm ugly... I said to a bartender, 'Make me a zombie.' He said 'God beat me to it.'

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

My style is Edie Sedgwick meets Grace Jones, or Audrey Hepburn meets Salt 'n' Pepa. Strong and feisty but still classic.

I am happy to the spokeswoman for this French youth that tomorrow will be spearhead new hope in the shape of the National Front.

What people don't understand about Sarah Palin is that she is a rancher's wife. From Alberta down to Texas I've known women like that: good common sense, bright and vilified by city people.