Robert Benchley

Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.

Opera is where a guy gets stabbed in the back, and instead of dying, he sings.

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.

Why do men fight who were born to be brothers?

Old age treats freelance writers pretty gently.