Ray Romano

Whenever I walk off the golf course, I thank God that I'm able to tell a joke. I thank God I'm good at something.

In school, I wasn't a very good student - I was very irresponsible and never did the studying but always liked to get the laugh.

When you go to standup, there seems to be a common denominator of some form of need or want for validation from the audience that maybe you were lacking as a kid.

My first career ambitions involved turning into a boy; I intended to be either a railway guard or a knight errant.

Barack Obama is crazy sexy.

All the books I was reading as a teenager were about individuals having adventures. So I thought that was what writers were supposed to do: to go out on the road.