Quentin Crisp

It's no good running a pig farm badly for 30 years while saying, 'Really, I was meant to be a ballet dancer.' By then, pigs will be your style.

There is no need to do any housework at all. After the first four years the dirt doesn't get any worse.

The British do not expect happiness. I had the impression, all the time that I lived there, that they do not want to be happy; they want to be right.

My style is Edie Sedgwick meets Grace Jones, or Audrey Hepburn meets Salt 'n' Pepa. Strong and feisty but still classic.

We thought that whatever we wanted to do was right and good, simply because we were Americans, and we would succeed at it because we were Americans.

It's a terrifying thing to be perhaps 16 or 17 and feel like you are a failure and a has-been.