My history teacher could make us feel like he was imparting rare gossip to us when he was talking about Maria Theresa and the Habsburgs. I just loved that sense of - the Western canon is here, and it's gossipy and tawdry, and everyone is sort of goofy. Mallory Ortberg canonfeelgoofy share on social
Usually, the first thing I do when I wake up is I start working, so I often won't start the day by reading anything because I like to minimize my 'commute' as much as possible. I wake up, open my laptop and start working in bed. Mallory Ortberg bedcommuteday share on social
When I was twenty years old, I had gum grafts put in. Mallory Ortberg graftgumput Change image and share on social
Humor is always more interesting when it comes from someone who's had more than, like, five experiences. Mallory Ortberg experiencehumorinterest Change image and share on social
Usually my writing is very over the top and bombastic and very, like, 'I'm amazing! Look at me!' Mallory Ortberg amazebombastictop Change image and share on social
When I think of Emily Dickinson, there's not one particular poem of hers that jumps out, but I do have a very vivid image of an ill woman with giant eyes who wants to write about the sun exploding. Mallory Ortberg dickinsonemilyexplode Change image and share on social
It's so, so awful for my entire body and my spine and my hands, and I have a perfectly good desk to write at, but I don't care. I love writing in bed. Mallory Ortberg awfulbedbody Change image and share on social
Ghost! I miss him! Is that weird? I miss him even though I invented him. I feel a lot of tenderness toward him. I don't write a lot of stuff that is sad or that is tender and affectionate, so that has a very special place in my heart. Mallory Ortberg affectionatefeelghost share on social
I have fun going on Twitter and the Internet. I feel safe and comfortable, and I wish everyone could feel that way. Mallory Ortberg comfortablefeelfun Change image and share on social
In my final year of attending a Christian sports camp in rural Missouri, the year before I started high school, they began to offer an elective Bible study group for young Christians who wanted a chance to read in the afternoons instead of learn to water-ski. Mallory Ortberg afternoonattendbegin share on social
