Joan Rivers

Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present.

Nobody wants to hear that you met Harry Truman... I met Harry Truman... But you know what I mean? Nobody's interested. They want to know you met Rihanna. And that kills me.

A kid is something precious, and you want to protect it and keep it fun. I'm not a dad, but I've seen people and how they behave with their kids.

Most detective story readers are an educated audience and know there are only a certain number of plots. The interest lies in what the writer does with them.

I've learned that even the word 'jubilee' used in connection with the Reformation can give rise to discussions.