Joan Rivers

Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present.

Nobody wants to hear that you met Harry Truman... I met Harry Truman... But you know what I mean? Nobody's interested. They want to know you met Rihanna. And that kills me.

If every time you engage in a sex act, you go into a confession box, you will never accept your own sexuality.

I know I'm not the kind of person who's gonna wind up a walking jukebox, like many rock 'n' roll artists. They just play their hits and that's it. That doesn't appeal to me.

I think for any actor, for the roles they deeply, truly want? They always have to audition for them.