Jay London

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.

My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can't say cheese.

I don't need to worry about identity theft because no one wants to be me.

It says on the back of the Nyquil box, 'May cause drowsiness.' It should say, 'Don't make any plans, OK? Kiss your family and friends good-bye.'

No candidate dares to look for a new campaign model that could really enhance the democratic process. Instead we are left with the current one which makes our candidates look like hucksters.

Whoever grows angry amid troubles applies a drug worse than the disease and is a physician unskilled about misfortunes.