Jackie Gleason

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it.

How sweet it is!

I only made $200 a week and I had to buy my own bullets.

Recently, I was in Bernalda, my dad's ancestral home town in Italy. He has just refurbished a palazzo and turned it into a hotel, so we had my sister's wedding there. It was beautiful.

He's a very strange guy, my father. I can't get mad at him because he's so adorable.

I love fat people. Every fat person says it's not their fault, that they have gland trouble. You know which gland? The saliva gland.