Jack Benny

My wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.

Hors D'oeuvre: A ham sandwich cut into forty pieces.

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

I was a litigation lawyer, following the crowd off the proverbial cliff, when I pressed the pause button.

Realistically speaking, I don't know how many more years I will want to be acting or will be invited to be.

They said I couldn't play anything but an English boy. I knew I could. So I went to New York.