Garrison Keillor

Humor has to surprise us; otherwise, it isn't funny. It's a death knell for a writer to be labeled a humorist because then it's not a surprise anymore.

It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

Why do men fight who were born to be brothers?

James Bond is quite serious about his drinks and clothing and cigarettes and food and all that sort of thing. There is nothing wry or amused about James Bond.

I had this wild imagination. I was never me. All my childhood photos, I'm in fancy dress, playing a Russian refuge or Marvelous Mad Madam Mim.