Garrison Keillor

Humor has to surprise us; otherwise, it isn't funny. It's a death knell for a writer to be labeled a humorist because then it's not a surprise anymore.

It's a shallow life that doesn't give a person a few scars.

They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I'm going to miss mine by just a few days.

I'd date someone younger or older; age doesn't matter to me. Or looks, really - it's all about maturity.

I do think my old fella wasn't much of a... I don't remember him ever being a 'dad' dad. He was too busy working. It was a hard life, man.

As a young child my attention span was, as I remember it, rather short.