Top 451 Funny Quotes

If you are truly offended by an 80-year-old man saying you're not funny, then you're probably not funny.

If you are truly offended by an 80-year-old man saying you're not funny, then you're probably not funny.

Sarah Silverman

I like the end of the year to be about something. Especially with younger shows, the network pushes you to make self-contained episodes; they don't like them to be serialized: 'We want this one to be funny for someone who's never watched it and will never watch again.' And I go 'Why would anyone want to do it like that?'

Bill Lawrence

When you are 15, everything is such high stakes, even tiny things. I think because of that, it is funny but sad at the same time.

When you are 15, everything is such high stakes, even tiny things. I think because of that, it is funny but sad at the same time.

Sophie Wu

I've always said that instead of watching a guy juggle seven things amazingly I would rather see a really bad juggler who's really funny.

I've always said that instead of watching a guy juggle seven things amazingly I would rather see a really bad juggler who's really funny.

Jeff Dunham

Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.

Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.

P. G. Wodehouse

At the end of the day I'm writing comedy. If you get too realistic as a comedy writer with your disasters, it stops being funny.

At the end of the day I'm writing comedy. If you get too realistic as a comedy writer with your disasters, it stops being funny.

Simon Rich

Kevin Hart. He's the man! I like his style. He's short, so I can relate. All the stories he tells are real. I respect that, and he's just a really funny dude - great comedy instincts. To do stand-up on a stage for an hour and tell stories and make people laugh is incredible.

Cameron Boyce

Justice Scalia and I served together on the D.C. Circuit. So his votes are not surprising to me. What I like about him is that he's very funny and very smart.

Justice Scalia and I served together on the D.C. Circuit. So his votes are not surprising to me. What I like about him is that he's very funny and very smart.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg

I'm not on all the time. I like to have fun and be funny, but I'm much more of a thinker.

I'm not on all the time. I like to have fun and be funny, but I'm much more of a thinker.

Keenen Ivory Wayans

I know people will think it's funny because I've done glamour modelling in the past, but I felt embarrassed about my body and just wanted to cover it up.

I know people will think it's funny because I've done glamour modelling in the past, but I felt embarrassed about my body and just wanted to cover it up.

Jennifer Ellison

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