Top 451 Funny Quotes

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

Robin Williams

I'd be hard-pressed to think of anybody who's made me laugh, who's funny, but who's also relentlessly positive.

I'd be hard-pressed to think of anybody who's made me laugh, who's funny, but who's also relentlessly positive.

Dylan Moran

When I was born I owed twelve dollars.

When I was born I owed twelve dollars.

George S. Kaufman

For a culture that has such a problem with death, we seem to deal with it in a quite bizarre way. We see people shot, killed and blown up, and we find it funny and sexy and all those things. But, the reality of it is that every day people die, and people are really sad and they grieve and they go through a really difficult process with it.

Michael Sheen

My job is mostly to entertain and be funny.

My job is mostly to entertain and be funny.

Rosie O'Donnell

However, frat-boy humor is funny and it always will be.

However, frat-boy humor is funny and it always will be.

Craig Kilborn

I am not gonna say that a guy's looks make him have to try harder in any way. I don't believe that at all. I think if he is funny, smart and cool, he's all set. Looks are not very important to me.

I am not gonna say that a guy's looks make him have to try harder in any way. I don't believe that at all. I think if he is funny, smart and cool, he's all set. Looks are not very important to me.

Valerie Azlynn

My parents always told me to be myself. I was always funny and silly as a kid. And I would always make them laugh. And they always told me to dream big and follow those dreams.

My parents always told me to be myself. I was always funny and silly as a kid. And I would always make them laugh. And they always told me to dream big and follow those dreams.

Richard Simmons

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.

Mitch Hedberg

It is kind of funny that the people who don't think Hillary Clinton is fit and healthy enough to be president are so worried that Hillary Clinton is fit and healthy enough to be president.

It is kind of funny that the people who don't think Hillary Clinton is fit and healthy enough to be president are so worried that Hillary Clinton is fit and healthy enough to be president.

Jimmy Kimmel

Copyright © Softland 2016-2026. All rights reserved.