Ellie Kemper

I am fully anticipating that something - perhaps many things - will not go according to plan on our actual wedding day. If some of the flowers are wilted, or there aren't enough vegetarian meals, or the priest calls me the wrong name, I will embrace these errors.

I love women, but I feel like you can't trust some of them. Some of them are liars, you know? Like I was in the park and I met this girl, she was cute and she had a dog. And I went up to her, we started talking. She told me her dog's name. Then I said, 'Does he bite?' She said, 'No.' And I said, 'Oh yeah? Then how does he eat?' Liar.