Clarence Darrow

Just think of the tragedy of teaching children not to doubt.

Working people have alot of bad habits, but the worst of these is work.

The first half of our lives are ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.

A 'live' show is either alive or not. Free speech is free or it is not. Viewers are free to use their remote or TiVo. Parents are responsible or they are not.

My comedy is for children from three to 93. You do need a slightly childish sense of humour and if you haven't got that, it's very sad.

In the best farce today we start with some absurd premise as to character or situation, but if the premises be once granted we move logically enough to the ending.