Christopher Moore

As Richard Pryor was to Eddie Murphy, that's what Kurt Vonnegut was to me.

I've made a dog's breakfast of English history, geography, 'King Lear,' and the English language in general.

You can't teach someone to be funny, but you can teach comic timing. If you listen to a good comic, you can learn how to put it on a page.

I am convinced that the reason so many fans leave Dodger Stadium after the seventh inning is that they become bored.

Another thing that freaks me out is time. Time is like a book. You have a beginning, a middle and an end. It's just a cycle.

I think Chelsea Handler is the funniest woman.