Boris Johnson

I have more in common with a three-toed sloth or a one-eyed pterodactyl or a Kalamata olive than I have with Winston Churchill.

I have as much chance of becoming Prime Minister as of being decapitated by a frisbee or of finding Elvis.

It is easy to make promises - it is hard work to keep them.

I'm the world's worst after-dinner speaker. I need pictures to respond to. I was the voice of the lottery balls once and got the sack.

The American people need no course in philosophy or political science of church history to know that God should not be made into a celestial party chairman.

Another thing that freaks me out is time. Time is like a book. You have a beginning, a middle and an end. It's just a cycle.