Andy Rooney

Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning lousy hunter.

Death is a distant rumor to the young.

Most of us end up with no more than five or six people who remember us. Teachers have thousands of people who remember them for the rest of their lives.

We did the 'MacGruber' Super Bowl spot for Pepsi, which generated some outside interest. We have a sketch where a guy blows up after 90 seconds. How are we going to make that into a movie?

Those who prepared for all the emergencies of life beforehand may equip themselves at the expense of joy.

Identity theft involving these cards is a growing form of white collar crime, facilitating illegal immigration, banking and accounting fraud, tax evasion, and other nefarious activities.