Alan Patrick Herbert

Let's find out what everyone is doing, And then stop everyone from doing it.

If nobody said anything unless he knew what he was talking about, a ghastly hush would descend upon the earth.

The conception of two people living together for twenty-five years without having a cross word suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep.

Color is a very critical thing. I've found that architects don't like colors. Engineers too. And so somebody has to stand in. Because this is the finish of it. It is the emotional part of a structure.

There's no buying a greasy breakfast in L.A. - it's all organic juices.

Matrimony is the union of meanness and martyrdom.