Al Yankovic

I mean, I hate to gloat, but I'm extremely satisfied with my position in life and the way things have worked out for me.

What kind of morons do you have working at newspapers in Austin that would base an entire review of an artist's performance on whether or not they had a good seat?

I've learned how to use my spam filter pretty effectively.

It took me realizing that a broken heart has never actually killed anyone to find the courage to ask for what I want, in just about every situation. That was part of my own growing up.

It's good to like yourself, and that only comes from hard work, from doing. But vanity is dangerous; it can trip you badly.

My first career ambitions involved turning into a boy; I intended to be either a railway guard or a knight errant.