Stephen Colbert

Don't be afraid to make things up. Never fear being exposed as a fraud. Experts make things up all the time. They're qualified to.

I have a mug that actually verifies that I'm the world's best dad. That's a mug. That's not me talking. You can't just buy those.

Isn't an agnostic just an atheist without balls?

Never let a day pass that you will have cause to say, I will do better tomorrow.

I just had an idea that went right over my head.

I'm Bam Margera. And I feel like kicking my dad's butt all day today.