Rachel Perry

Paris and Nicky Hilton? Those girls will show up to the opening of a phone book. It's like a big joke.

I interviewed Johnny Knoxville once. I was kind of scared to interview him because I thought he might be a real jerk, but he was really nice, and I ripped his chest hair out.

When I interview celebrities, I always try to throw them off balance. My favorite is to ask 'em about crazy sex stuff like donkey punches and Monroe transfers. Works every time.

I've always been baffled by critics of the CIA, who are horrified that it does illegal things. That is the purpose of an intelligence service: to perform illegal acts.

Although individual temperaments vary, boys are designed to be more assertive, audacious, and excitable than girls are.