Popular Quotes

One time, I got to go play with lion cubs in Johannesburg. It was amazing. But it's difficult when you're on the road. We're always playing tennis, and there's a lot of pressure. So sometimes you don't get to do the things you'd like to do, because the priority is tennis.

One time I happened to use the word 'denigrate' onstage, and it didn't get any reaction. So as I continued my act, the left side of my brain was fast-forwarding to see if I had any other big words coming up.

One time I semi-wrecked my uncle's truck. He told me to back it up into a ditch, but my foot slipped and I gunned it a little too much. But now I use one foot, and I do not run into stuff - at least I try not to.

One time I was doing a speech to a group of kids, and just before I get there, I see this little kid crying. I found out they just lost a game, and he was the losing pitcher. I went over there, put my arm around him, and said, 'What are you crying for? When major league players lose, they don't cry.'