Mel Smith

I never met Barbara Cartland. But now that I'm working on her life, I wish I had. I think there was a lot of pathos in it and I'm intrigued by her.

How do we get a pantomime cow on set. Jeez, the rigours of satire.

But in the UK, I've given up any hope of being considered a director.

I love Hindi films.

I want to find a nice decent job as a helicopter pilot.

People say, 'Where do you live?' and I say that theoretically, I live in London, but basically that's just where I go to change my suitcase. Otherwise, I'm always flying somewhere.