Jimmy Fallon

My dad used to work at IBM, so we used to get discounts on computers and stuff, and I did have a ThinkPad.

Thank you, hard taco shells, for surviving the long journey from factory, to supermarket, to my plate and then breaking the moment I put something inside you. Thank you.

Anything I learned was just work hard, just keep working and don't worry about the outside stuff. Whatever happens will happen.

I think Chelsea Handler is the funniest woman.

America stands for the land of opportunity.

I get younger people who watch Conan or The Daily Show, but before that it was mostly people who knew me from public radio. Those people are kind of old.